Pre-emptive worry
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| | I write this in an awfully frustrated state of mind. It seems to stem from weeks of stress that has aggravated my headaches. The degree of frustration might seem odd to you if I tell you that I am 'on holiday', having given myself the week off to try to recover.
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| | But in reality, it is entirely explicable. First, it is not the holiday that I planned. I really need a break from home - being both my office and place of rest. However, because of commitments, that was impossible this week.
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| | And it is these commitments that are frustrating me. They are sprinkled through the week, standing tall and ugly as I look out to the horizon.
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| | How can I relax when they constantly shout at me for attention? You see, a holiday for me is not so much to do with the scenerary as the escape - the removal of responsibilities. That wonderful feeling where you know that you have a stretch of days ahead unblighted by responsibility.
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| | It is because the scheduled commitments are responsibilities, and because my brain is worrying about them that I am distressed. The worry is rightly there to try to forecast potential problems, and thereby prepare in advance, but it is a constant blight on my mood.
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| | What I need is to do all the worrying in one fell swoop, and choose a course of action - the path of least resistance as it were - and then forget these responsibilities. Except that this is enormously difficult. When I want to rest, I certainly want to avoid doing things that are enormously difficult.
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